yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
