So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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