I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Vodka?
Forever.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
