so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
