I cannot find my penis.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
