Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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