careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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