You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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