dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize