im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
