im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
