So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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