Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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