just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
