My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
