I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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