I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
