I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize