Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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