did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize