Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
