The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
