I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
