I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
