so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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