dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
