I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
