Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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