we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize