I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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