the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
