Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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