Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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