So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
