Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
