I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
