I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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