I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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