Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
