Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
