please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize