God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She bit a glass in half.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
