I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
