she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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