'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
