We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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