I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
