there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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