so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
worst night to have a conscience
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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