i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
