Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
