Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
