If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
