I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize