This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
