Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
