I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
