And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
