You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
