new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
