do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
