I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
