remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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