So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm at about main and main street
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
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