Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
