Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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