Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize