the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
