my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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