Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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