I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
