I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
