No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
