YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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