dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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