in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
