would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
