he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
