it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
