the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
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