Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You are the jesus of drinking
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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