The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
