anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
