I smell stomach acid.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
