Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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