K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
