Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
